Today marks 45 years since my mother passed away after a fight with liver cancer. I had just graduated from high school a few months earlier. I’m thankful for the time I had with her. I am also thankful that, if she had to go, it was through a process that gave us some time to prepare mentally.
This date also marks one week since another death, as our nation witnessed a dark and violent act that took the life of an innocent person. Such incidents leave little doubt that darkness is present in our land. Not only is it present, but we need to acknowledge that darkness is at an intolerable level in communities throughout our nation.
The common human tendency is to start blaming some group or some particular person when the news media show us dramatic incidents that happen. But so many things that don’t make the news are still part of the darkness in communities. Every time someone is careless and leads to an avoidable car accident, darkness enters someone’s life at that point (especially if there is loss of life). Every time hateful or hurtful words are thrown at a spouse or other family member, darkness is present. Every time we talk badly about someone because of their innate humanness, we are participating in the spread of darkness. Undoubtedly, we could list numerous routine forms of darkness that take place in communities–including here in Tooele County.
But the list isn’t the point, though. The important point here is that just about all of us participate in some form of darkness. That is something we can each do something about.
When we hear or see evidence of the evil and darkness that exist, along with placing blame, it seems we also look around for someone to fix the problems. Maybe some politician will get in office and make changes that will fix our country. Or maybe “that group” will just go away so we can stop having the problems they seem to be causing. But such single-entity fixes aren’t likely to get us very far on a path of increasing light.
I believe that, first and foremost, each one of us needs to take responsibility for the darkness in our own lives, rather than expecting someone else to fix things. We are the ones who must fix ourselves and thereby improve our community and nation. That means that we assess our own lives to see where we are allowing darkness to remain in our lives and find ways to bring more light into our lives to displace the darkness. Then, of course, we need to do the work to make changes to actually increase the light in our own lives and the light we spread to others.
But why is that important? Certainly, some will wonder or protest, “Why do I need to change? It’s those other people doing those horrible things!”
One reason is because all of our interactions with other people and the words we speak contribute deposits of light or darkness into the culture. Some of these cultural deposits may be short-lived or with minor effects. But some can reverberate throughout the centuries. Often, some of these deposits may linger only in some else’s mind for years, unobserved by others, but may be intensely painful for the individual. In time, accumulated deposits of light and darkness can then motivate good or bad actions.
We tend to blame individuals for what they do wrong. And certainly they may be the direct cause of an incident. But so often, wrongdoing can be an indirect consequence of a faulty culture. The culture that an individual is immersed in will have effects on that person’s behavior. All of us contribute to the culture around us, often in ways we don’t realize.
Darkness in our culture can lead to many undesirable consequences. A few common ones are:
- divorce
- violent acts
- suicide
- depression
- anxiety
Here are a few points to consider in assessing ourselves and working to bring more light into our own lives and the culture around us:
- As a business owner, manager, supervisor-do you rule by fear? Or do you take time to talk with employees about expectations and inspire them toward a vision of a great work place that brings light to customers by helping solve a problem?
- As an employee, are you content to do the bare minimum to keep your job? Or are you diligent to take care of things you see that need to be done that are within your authority?
- As a parent, do you demand absolute obedience to your every whim, enforced with threats of “consequences”? Or do you look for the good in your children, teach them what’s good and right, and show them the way by your example?
- Caring about the people around us can help foster unity. (We need unity!) Do you look for the good in others or only see what’s wrong with them? Are you willing to help anyone whom you have the ability to help or do you selectively help only those you like or who could be an advantage to you?
- Are integrity and honesty part of your reputation? Are they above question? Or is it hard for others to trust you?
- Do you consume or share with your children media that showcases moral ambiguity? Or do you fill your mind (and your children’s minds) with material that advocates legitimate moral imperatives? (Be careful with this one–not everything you believe is necessarily a moral imperative!)
- Do you expect others to think and behave just like you do? Or do you recognize the great variety of types of people? Can you accept that others will react to things differently than you do and be okay with that?
As a reminder, the darkness in each of us isn’t a sign that we’re evil or any other negative adjective. We develop our attitudes and values from a number of factors that we don’t control, such as the culture we are brought up in, genetic characteristics, etc.
From our culture, we naturally and often unknowingly adopt messages and attitudes from various forms of media, our interactions with others, and things we are taught by parents, clergy, religion, educators, and so on.
Despite the things we don’t control, we have the means to change our behaviors if we put in the work and energy to do it.
One particular area that I believe we really need to work on in our nation is gentleness. Through a number of avenues, we are taught the message that we need to be rough and tough, number one, and present an image of being the toughest. Many of these messages also seem to imply that caring about other people’s feelings or circumstances doesn’t matter.
I’ve seen messages on T-shirts such as, “I do what I want,” “F___ your feelings,” and other similar uncaring messages. We also see all kinds of media presentations that are popular because a protagonist uses his/her great strength in dramatic ways to defeat an enemy or get revenge. These messages do affect us over time. But in most situations in real life, dramatic fights should not be necessary.
A gentle approach should be our typical style with people. Harshness brings darkness into the lives of people. Over three decades ago, Pres. George Bush (senior) made reference to a “kinder, gentler nation.” I think this call has been forgotten in too many situations, but it is still a call for us to heed.
If you’re a strong one, be a defender and a protector. Your strength is not for you to be cocky or arrogant or to trample over those who are weaker. Let’s be gentle with the people we deal with.
There’s a lot of hurting in the world. Each of us has contributed to someone else’s hurt. Each of has the potential to help ease someone’s hurting, as well. Each one of us has a part to play to bring light into people’s lives and push out darkness.
Illnesses, unforeseen natural events, and so on bring enough hurting and pain to people. Let’s don’t be the ones adding to their hurt by our actions and words. Be a light, uplifting others, rather than cutting them down.
We Americans have an urgent need to do better. From this point forward, Lightward Bound will be working to make more dramatic efforts to spread light in our community.
To do so, I will be looking for community support to build Lightward Bound to be a greater influence for light. I’ll be looking for financial support and volunteer help. Encouragement to keep it going is also a plus.