Beginning An Unwanted Journey

I never asked for this. And maybe I believed I was somehow immune or statistically unlikely to be in this situation. But here I am, three weeks into chemotherapy. Tomorrow I receive my second chemotherapy treatment.

From the beginning of this diagnosis, I haven’t felt shocked, though, despite it being unexpected. I have felt a sense of peace, as though God still has reason for me to continue my work on the earth. After some testing, I received some good news that partially justified my feelings of peace. I was only stage “2B,” with a 90% chance of survival. That bolstered my hope.

Because I’m a guy, I’d rather call it chest cancer. I found a small lump that made me suspicious, so I got an initial checkup. I put off the recommended, subsequent imaging, after being told it was most likely benign. In time, it seemed to change, so I got concerned again and got tested, including a biopsy, which confirmed it wasn’t something to trifle with.

So I received my first chemo at a location here in Tooele. Now, three weeks later, I’ll be going there again to receive the second dose. During the past three weeks, I have dealt with lack of appetite and fatigue. Those have faded, though, during this last week. It has been better, a lot like normal. I wondered how long it could take for hair loss, if that were to happen. Over the last few days, I have noticed hair coming out pretty easily, just by combing my hair or by a slight tug with my fingers. So it has started.

But this post is not just about an unpleasant health condition. It’s also about light. When we have light in our lives, things are better. This metaphor of light includes those things that build up our positive feelings, motivate us, bring joy into our lives, etc. We could also say that light in this social-emotional context warms our souls and shines light to help us see the path to travel. Those two parts specifically relate to love (and other people-affirming concepts) and truth.

I believe that much of the light around us comes because of God’s influence in our world and in the lives of people. But I believe that each of us has power to bring light into our own lives and help bring it into other people’s lives. As we spread it, we help light up the communities we are part of.

I tend to look through an optimistic lens, which helps give me hope. Even now, with this diagnosis, I have mostly been optimistic and hopeful. Hope is a light inside us that can energize us and keep us going. Without hope, we can feel all is lost and stop trying.

Another thing I have tried to do to keep some light in my life during this time is to re-connect with a few special friends. I let them know about the diagnosis. In some ways, I have to attribute these re-connections to God’s help, though. I don’t believe in a lot of random chance when things line up the way they do, sometimes. In this case, over the last couple of years, I have had four important friends from the past come back into my life. I have told each of them about this diagnosis, along with a few other people. I feel these friends are a valuable support for me at this time. I didn’t take the initial steps with any of them to re-connect. In each case, a situation or them contacting me first led to reconnecting with them. If it were just one, I could just call it random chance. But with four of them within a short time, all just before a time when I could really use friend and family support, to me it’s beyond coincidence. And I’m thankful for the light of friendship increasing in my life.

But whether or not you believe in a spiritual world or a divine creator, science has been showing that light in our lives does indeed improve our lives. Various physical and mental health conditions are less common among people with more of the things I would call light in their lives.

One particular report that left a recent impression on me was published a couple of years ago by the U.S. Surgeon General. It talked about the “epidemic of loneliness and isolation” in the U.S. It also detailed some of the positive health and community benefits of positive social connections between people. This is just one case of science-based evidence of the value of an aspect of light in our lives.

I started this organization, Lightward Bound, a few years ago because I am convinced that so many of our nation’s troubles will decline as light increases throughout our culture. I had hoped for it to have grown a lot by now, but I am still hopeful and still plan to find ways to build it and help bring more light into our culture, beginning here in Tooele County.

I hope you’ll join me!

Emil Therianos,
Founder, Lightward Bound