If you spend much time in the news, it becomes pretty obvious that there is a lot of pain and suffering in our world and quite often it’s caused by other people. Even worse, it’s too often that people hurt those they are closest to, such as a spouse or child. I’m not talking only about physical hurts; often it’s the emotional hurts that can have a lifelong effect on someone.
The reality is that nearly every one of us says or does things that hurt other people. But such hurts shouldn’t be something we just ignore or justify as “collateral damage” from living our lives. In our daily actions, we should always consider whether those actions may hurt other people in some way. Too often, though, it seems that people focus on their own agenda and give little regard to the people who may be affected by their agenda. When we knowingly disregard the needs of other people while we pursue our own interests, we are bringing shades of darkness into the picture. Bringing light into daily activities may seem more difficult, but in the long-run, it is better for everyone involved.
What keeps us from the light?
I believe that a big thing that restrains many of us from bringing more light into our relationships and activities is what we might call “me attitudes.” We tend to value our own selves and our own wants and needs too much. We don’t see others’ wants and needs as being as important as our own. This naturally will lead people to focus on their own agendas and give less attention to what someone else might need.
Years ago, Dr. Geert Hofstede published research on various cultural dimensions, which is still used as guidance in the business world. The research scored and ranked various countries on these cultural dimensions. One of the dimensions was individualism vs. collectivism. The research at that time showed the United States as the number one nation for individualism. According to MindTools.com, people from more individualistic cultures tend to value their time and freedom more than those from other cultures.
As members of a highly individualistic country, we value our time, which may very well make us less patient with others. And valuing our freedom would tend to lead us to feel we have a right to do what we want to do, regardless of what others think, want, or need. So if we truly want to be part of the solution of bringing more light around us, we need to watch out for the darkness of putting ourselves too much above others.
Keeping Light in Relationships
Perhaps more important, though, is to make intentional efforts to increase the light that we bring into our interactions with other people. I believe that an important way we can increase the light in our relationships is to spend time communicating specifically with the goal of understanding each other better. Without that type of communication, it’s easy to make assumptions that lead to misunderstandings or hard feelings. Lack of good communication can also lead to isolation between people. A bright, sunshiny relationship needs good communication.
Another way that I would suggest to bring more of that light is to spend time together doing things that you each find at least somewhat enjoyable. Time together in any endeavor can be a positive thing for a relationship, as long as it doesn’t lead to arguments or other darkness. But if the activity is already inherently positive for both people, the results have better odds of being desirable.
These two ideas are just a start. There are other important ways we can keep the light. Some, we already know, but just need to do them more. We need to seek them out. Remember, relationships with people are a priority and they need intentional work. Don’t neglect the relationships that should bring joy to both parties.
Plant seeds of light in your relationships!