I have had a pretty fair amount of experience with children. Of course, as with everyone else, I was a child once, so I have some vague memories of my own perspective as a child. I also took part in raising five children, which spanned about 25 years. That has given me some perspective on parenting, as well as some common things about children and differences between them. I also spent 12 years as a substitute teacher in Tooele County School District. That gave me a wider perspective based on a multitude of children. Now I also have a few grandchildren from whom I learn things about children. When I did research for my master’s thesis in 2020, my focus was children, too. So I have also read through some research literature regarding children.
I still don’t claim to be an expert, but I do believe I understand some things that not all adults understand about children, their development, and raising them. Sometimes, I see or hear of things related to how adults treat children that make be cringe or feel sorrow for the them. Children start out so innocent, but often are immersed in a world that takes away that innocence. And too often adults–because of their own ignorance–make life harder for children. Mistreatment of children in varying degrees brings darkness into their lives. And it’s not only reportable stuff, either.
Children come to this world without any knowledge to work with. In addition to being physically dependent on adults, they are dependent on everyone around them to learn about their world–to learn how things work, how people are supposed to act, what’s good or bad, right or wrong. They don’t have any idea in the beginning whom to listen to or emulate. They listen to it all, until various things happen to start a filtering process. For example, if they get hurt because of an action they learned from someone else, they now have reason to either avoid the action or the person. As their reasoning and judgment skills develop, they will start to look at things around them and make their own judgments about whether they want to do it or not. As they grow, they will also be influenced most by those with whom they feel closer connections.
We have to realize that this process is not a neat and clean process that makes perfect children. They will make mistakes and do wrong things. As adults, we should expect that to be the case with children. It doesn’t warrant getting angry because a child messed up, when we already know that they will indeed mess up sometimes. Anger, punishments, and so on are avenues to bring darkness into the lives of children. We adults should bring light into their lives.
As we share with children our honest understanding about the world, they can receive the light of truth. If we help them understand why certain things are not good and why others are better choices, they receive light to their understanding. As we build relationships with children that help them feel safe and loved, they receive the light of love. If these thing are happening in sufficient quantity, as they grow and develop, they will be on a path to better choices. As their experience confirms your words, what they’ve been taught will solidify over time.
Experience is a good teacher, but one of the biggest challenges about it is that humans often cannot see all of the effects of behaviors or all the factors involved, especially over the course of years or decades. That fact requires us to be a little more careful and cautious about what we teach and how we teach children.
As I implied previously, there is no perfect plan to create the perfect child. But certain things that adults contribute in a child’s life can increase the odds that he or she will turn out okay. An essential part of that is doing things that bring light into a child’s life and avoiding the things that bring darkness. Over the next few weeks, I will bring up topics related to bringing light into the lives of children.
Let’s remember that children hold our nation’s future in their hands. Let’s help them be the best they can be. Thanks for reading.
Emil