I’m sure that most of us have experienced someone ridiculing us or putting us down for limitations or characteristics that we didn’t have control over. Maybe it was about wearing glasses or being a little overweight or some other thing like that. Children and youth often do such things to each other. And that’s bad enough for children to deal with, but sometimes such things come from adults who are in their lives. Sometimes it may even come from parents.
Though we know such things happen, adults are the ones who should know better and avoid saying hurtful things about a child’s characteristics, especially the ones they can’t control and didn’t choose. Sometimes a negative thing a child is told can affect them for many years, especially things that are repeated over time.
Some children will handle some of those things well enough, but no one can predict which children will be okay and which ones will carry a lifelong hurt that darkens their lives. So it’s important, in any capacity involving children, to always be careful how we speak to them. Never attempt to make a child feel shame about themselves, especially for their innate characteristics that they can’t choose or control.
But if we truly believe in the mission of bringing more light into the culture of the United States, then we really need to extend this concept to all the people around us, whether grown or still growing. And we need to extend it beyond genetic characteristics and things out of one’s control. Though we believe people are in control of their actions, probably every human being is influenced and affected by things they didn’t choose or control.
We don’t choose or control what country we are born in or who our parents are. We don’t have a choice in what genetic instructions are passed to our bodies by our DNA. We don’t have an app to set up what type of environment we grow up in. We don’t control all of what happens within our minds after we experience heartache, pain, or devastating challenges. This list of things that affect us beyond our control is surely longer than most of us realize. However, these influences can alter our values, our personality traits, or our behavior, even though we may not be aware of those alterations.
With that knowledge, we need to have compassion for and willingness to forgive others. The darkness of condemnation or hatred has no place in building a culture where we all can find some degree of happiness.
This way of looking at people has implications for a number of social struggles our people face. Issues of race or ethnicity or skin color would melt away if we understood that these characteristics aren’t choices people made and therefore shouldn’t be condemned or mistreated for them. Those dealing with mental health challenges or physical disabilities shouldn’t be left our or treated badly for their condition, which they didn’t choose. People who find themselves to be gender- or sexual-variant don’t deserve mistreatment or prejudice. They didn’t consciously choose everything about themselves. Even people who commit crimes and spend time in the justice system should be given opportunities to try again and improve their lives. While they made some direct choices, they didn’t choose everything that led to their crimes. Bringing light into our world must necessarily be intended for all.
It is also important to realize that this isn’t a one-way concept. If you are trying to avoid mistreating others, the goal is that they also need to be working on not mistreating you. But it will always involve some give and take, accepting some of the bad directed at ourselves as people learn and grow and change. This takes time and not everyone will progress at the same speed. The sooner you and I take on the responsibility for creating a positive, worth-affirming, and light-filled culture, the more others will come into that circle and help make the vision of Lightward Bound a reality. That is a vision, a culture that can bring joy to you as well as everyone else.
So please, join in the quest to brighten the lives of all of us!